A Brave New World

Coming out of lockdown, with it’s Ground hog days.
Between sleeping and eating, the hours are a haze.
I need to prepare for when the lockdown ends,
Which better be soon as I’m forgetting my friends.
Out of sight, out of mind as the saying goes
But will they recognize Jenny, who only knows.
Getting back with friends to unravel this mess
Interacting with other to be our best
These things we will do once the lockdown ends, 
So I am getting that list ready to share with my friends. 

Living in Melbourne, the unofficial Covid lockdown capital of WORLD, is tiring.  This is the city that has been in lockdown for the longest number of day since the Covid pandemic hit.  245 plus days that ended last week, puts us well ahead of Buenos Aires which comes in second, enduring a 234 day lockdown.    Yes, Melbourne holds that dubious record.  “The most lock down city in the world”.  YIKES!!

The restrictions have been hard, with the aim to limit movement and contact.   There was a nightly curfew (between 9pm to 5am), in place.   Only 5 permitted reasons to leave home, for authorised work, exercise (2 hours a day within a 5 km radius of the home), getting food and supplies, care or caregiving and to get vaccinated.   No visiting other people’s houses, no get-togethers. The closing of shopping centres and shops with restaurants and food places being open for take away only.   Home schooling.

Caught !! Take away at home.

On Friday 29th October 2021, it all changes.  There is an all-state opening up, I suppose, it’s the equivalent of Great Britain’s “Freedom” day.  Mind you it does not happened until 6.00 pm est, when retail opens, mask restrictions are eased and we can have move people in our home.   The catch is that these “freedoms” only apply to those who are fully vaccinated.

What has changed?  Basically our government shifted to a vaccine drive, with a roadmap out of lockdown dependant on 1st and 2nd percentage vaccine rates.   These milestones kicked in at 70% 2nd  jab, 80% 1st jab, 80 % 2nd jab etc.   All confusing as the dates change as these markers are reached.   So this Friday, 29th October 2021, the state of Victoria will hit the 80% double dose milepost and will we enter the new “Covid Normal” world.  By the end of November the state should hit the 90% double jab milestone, which could be a record to be proud of.  Restrictions will be ease for those who are fully vaccinated.   For those who are unvaccinated there will be limits on the things they can do and go.

Yes, I consider myself privileged, that I am fully vaccinated.  I believe this is the only way to move forward and restrict the effects and damage done by Covid on our community, health system and those we need to care for.   

So with the above in mind I feel we, as in the people of Victoria, are leaving the hibernation den after a long hard winter.  Already the hairdressers and beauty salons are booked solid as shaggy locks and bear claws are desperately cut, clipped, and coloured. Restaurants are dusting off the tables, and polishing the wine glasses, with barbeques getting rolled out of the shed and being cleaned ready for those magical spring and summer get together.   With the announcements and easing of restrictions, combined with spring, there is that feeling of excitement, hope and anticipation in the air. 

All dress up and nowhere to go

I been thinking about what I, as Jenny,  want to do moving forward and out into this brave new “covid” world after being locked up for so long.   I’ll be honest, there have been times when I have found it hard to function; dysphoria, self-doubt and loathing tend to do that to me.  Like a stormy weather front, this form of depression passes through, shutting me down and sapping my drive, creativity and hope for the future.   Fortunately it moves on, and after repairing the damage, I move on, with Jenny straining to be more visible, to be seen and heard.

A few days ago a storm passed by. It was noticeable but ignored by those around me.  To talk about it means facing the elephant in the room, which through lockdown has remained obvious but invisible to the naked eye.  Everyone is finding it hard to address issues, so some are just placed in limbo.

I visited my favourite on-line store, Love Daphne.  ( https://lovedaphne.com.au/collections/new-arrivals?page=1 ) A new shipment of wonderful vintage style dresses had just been added to the store.  So after a few hours of indecision, Jenny took control and I order a new dress. ( https://lovedaphne.com.au/collections/dresses/products/eva-falling-leaves-dress ) A post Covid coming out dress.   Hopefully it will arrive soon as I can’t wait to step out in style. So I have a bucket list for the coming spring and summer post Covid.  I want this to be Jenny’s time.

Dress ordered.

Visiting a café and sitting down to watch the world go by.

Shaving my legs and wearing a sun frock to meet friends in the park.

Games night with real people.

Go shopping, not necessary to buy, but just to experience. No rush,  no pressure.  I want Jenny to be part of the world.

Go to a Seahorse meeting.  (When they open up)

Talk to a professional.   I feel I am in a holding pattern, with Jenny consistently circling overhead, desperately trying to land.

Due to the lockdown, gains were lost as I have shut down and have withdrawn Jenny from the world.    I know I need to reopen communication paths with my wife and restart Jenny’s journey forward.

I would love to hear what other special things you have done to emerge into this “Brave New World”.

16 thoughts on “A Brave New World

  1. Oh, Jenny, it’s been such a long, hard slog. And for you, around 250 days must have been pure hell. 😦
    Be careful out there though, coming out of lockdown is when the numbers spike horrendously. This is like a never-ending plague.
    I love the poem!
    Stay safe x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so lovely Trish.🌹 Thanks for your lovely message.
      Lockdown is hard and I consider myself lucky as I was working. What is hard is the social disconnection that occurs.
      Still the horizon looks lovely.
      Stay safe too Trish.xx


  2. Hi Jenny,

    Wow! 245 days, that boggles my mind. I think I would have so many things do or want to do that I wouldn’t be able to decide.

    I strongly agree that one of the things for you to do is seek that professional help. Often, I see a Jenny, who is very trouble, which saddens me. Then, I see the joy you have when Jenny is front and center, which gladdens me. I want to see more of Jenny in her joyful space, and talking to someone may just help her/you to do so.

    Odd thought, why is it so often the case that we talk of ourselves in the third person. I have been transitioning for over two years, and I am still do it. Hey, why not say it like it is “Stephie’s got it going on.”

    As always, all the best, Stephie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Stephie,🙋🏻‍♀️
      The length of lockdown has been hard. I am lucky that I worked, but they were ground hog days as there was no interact with family and friends except through social apps.
      I was wondering the same about why I address myself, Jenny that is, in the 3rd person. Maybe that is one of issues I need to address
      I know I am suppressing myself real self so I do not rock the boat with those around me. This is where I need help to focus on being me.
      I appreciate your thoughts Stephie ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think for me that I spent so many years in ignorance so that is a way to confirm who I am. I am not doing to remind anyone because accept for a Christian friend of my partner, and I hardly ever around her anymore. I think I shall write a blog post about at some point. It should be an interesting exploration as I love to do. I don’t often have a chance to really go philosophical, which I don’t do so much with this blog of mind.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Love to read that Stephie.
        It’s the emotional baggage of years of fighting my true self, that messes my mind. A big part of my journey is sorting this out.
        Stay safe dear 🌹


  3. “…it’s the equivalent of Great Britain’s “Freedom” day.”

    Hopefully more people will be vaccinated and there’s less COVID infections than when our dear leaders had a song and dance about it 😉

    Good luck working your way through the list of things you’d like to do. The dress you picked is lovely, BTW.

    As to emerging… I was really glad to be able to meet up with friends from our trans social & support group. I also found I’d missed that coffee shop hubub of conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Lynn 🙋🏻‍♀️
      Victoria has hit amazing vaccinations rates with hitting the 80% double dose on Saturday. Are daily numbers are hit, around the 1500s but they are starting to put less weight on that stay and talking more about hospitalizations. Still everyone agrees we have to open up but in a controlled manner, which we are.
      Looking forward to getting out. 😊 And doing normal things.
      Thanks for commenting Lynn 🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Jenny, it is always wonderful to read a new blog entry of yours.
    For me the pandemic lockdown has not been so harsh as, at the age of 80, I live in a retirement village which means we have a large number of friends living nearby.
    As you may recall i only came out fully less than a year ago and have now reached the stage where every day is full of joy as I fully present as as a woman and and amazed that everyone is so accepting of me.
    But I am so sad when I think of the so difficult delema you face on a daily basis and so hope it is not too long before you are able to fully enjoy being your true self every day.
    I wish l could give you a huge hug.
    Love, Steph

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Stephanie for your kind words and thoughts. I am so happy for you and being able to be your true self is such a wonderful inspiring story.
      Stay safe dear.🌹


  5. Jenny, it is always a thrill when I hear from you, but so sad to think of the pain you, and so, so many transgender people experience trying to not hurt our loved ones and being forced to live not being true to themselves.
    Yesterday l broke down in tears when I reread Lyn Conways story of transitioning in 1969 but suffered terrible consequences before rebuilding her life and is now a world famous computer scientist.

    I cried because because I worked for IBM at the same time but continued to totally hide for 70 years.

    Since fully transitioning a year ago I experienced the daily joy of being the true me and have been so, so lucky to have the full support of my family.
    However, all is not rosy for me because my dementia is causing my balance to deteriorate and my short term memory to also deteriorate. I am also fearful of eventually having to live in a nursing home with my sex marked as M as being born British I cannot change that to F.
    Also l am living in a small town and do not have any local trans friends with the result I have not met up with a trans person for well over a year. But l have made contact with a trans girl from Tasmania of very similar age and life experiences, and we enjoy having a talk on Messenger every evening.

    Jenny, sorry for my long ramble but I hope some of my comments may be of interest to some of your readers. But I would like to finish with one last comment. I live in a retirement village. I transitioned here and have been amazed at the numbers of residents and staff who have been so accepting and kind to me.

    Love to you, Jenny, and take care

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hope all is well, you have been very quiet. Here it is January and c19 is still rampant. It has made it’s way into my extended family. I think people are getting tired of lockdown. Stay safe and be pretty. Hugs ‘n stuff!


    1. Thank you so much Sillu gurl for your kind comments 🙋🏻‍♀️.
      I have been quiet on the blog, but crazy busy with life. Dysphoria has been bad, so rather than be negative I am holding off writing.
      Sad to hear of so many getting covid, but it is now obvious that it is a way of life we have to get use to.
      Stay safe dear 🌹


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